I’m always looking for patterns, and a really big one came up recently for recognition and healing. In fact, it came up twice in a week, so I know it’s “up for me.” In other words, it’s time to see it and heal it.

This pattern has to do with a deep-seated fear that I’ve done or said something “wrong,” which has upset another person.

For instance, today I had a magical video conversation with a dear friend whom I hadn’t spoken with in quite a while. We were catching up and working through “stuff” together and having a marvelous time.

Then, toward the end of our call, her energy really dropped off.

When I got off the call, I felt concerned. That’s when I started doing that thing I do: looking for what I did or said wrong that upset her. Red flag!

Taking Action

Rather than going into a downward spiral, I sent my friend a quick text to say how much I loved catching up. And I was brave and vulnerable: I said that I’d noticed her energy dropped off toward the end of our call, and I asked if I’d said something that affected her, or if something was up.

She responded that she didn’t notice it — and figured her mind had moved on to things she needed to get done after our call. She laughed at herself for not being fully present toward the end, since being present is the focus of her journey these days.

It Really Wasn’t About Me

I was so glad I reached out! And I had to laugh at myself for making it about me: for assuming I had done or said something to cause my friend’s energy to shift.

As I laughed, I could feel something deep within me finally release. I could feel that old piece of dysfunctional patterning simply fall away. I’m sure there was a time when it protected me and served a powerful purpose. But I no longer need it, and its service is complete.

Moving forward, I will keep looking for this old, habitual response to other people’s energy. And I may have to remind myself that it’s not “all about me” once or twice more.

But it definitely feels like the bulk of this pattern has dissolved, once and for all. Hallelujah!

What About You?

• Do you make yourself responsible for how other people feel?

• Do you scrutinize everything you’ve said or done to see if anything was “wrong”?

• Can you tap into my shift and become a bit more self-loving?